Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's day to my mom and grandma and any other mothers out there! I still haven't seen any Iraqi women, so I am mostly sure that they don't exist, so they probably don't celebrate mother's day here in Iraq. I will try to kill some terrorists today in honor of all of the American mothers.

Actually I won't because I've been relieved of duty, hooray! That means I don't have to go to work anymore, I'm just sitting around waiting for a flight out and am much closer to being home.

I have a new roommate, and it's... interesting. There is a cornucopia of new smells in my room...

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My AC also just broke yesterday, so it's very hot in my room. Which doesn't help with the new smells.

Oh well, I'm out of her shortly and then I'll have a much cleaner, prettier roommate again. :-)

I'm really glad I didn't join the Army. It seems like it's much more like the actual military than the Air Force. The Army guys do runs around the base in formation singing jodies like we did in basic training. We saw one group the other day and there was a guy lagging behind so someone else ran back to him and was like "What, you can't MAINTAIN? YOU CAN'T KEEP FACE??? OOOORAAAAH!!". All the Air Force guys just chuckled, got in our truck, drove to the quarter mile to the dining facility and had some ice cream.

They try to do that at my home base sometimes as well. They'll have once a month "fun runs" (running is not fun) and during the run we start out in formation and some high ranking enlisted guy will try to get people to sing a jody and about 6 people will do it for a minute and then it quickly fades away.

Icemouse

My cheap laptop mouse that was manufactured in China and purchased in Iraq has died. :-( So I figured I would try to fix it using only duct tape, a leatherman, and a pocket knife. That's really all you need to fix anything according to 80's television shows like Macgyver and the A-Team, so I figured it should work in Iraq in 2009 also.

But alas, it did not. The wires are too small to put back together with duct tape. The small wires are what caused the problem in the first place. With normal use over only four months the wires cut themselves just from being moved around right where they connected to the mouse. My cheap Chinese mouse has made me a sad Chinese panda. :(

Now I can't easily finish my game of Duke Nukem 3D which I had been fully engrossed in since 6am this morning after my internet went down for a while. Then on top of that, I find out that 3D Realms has gone out of business, which means there may never be a Duke Nukem Forever to follow up Duke Nukem 3D! Even after over 10 years Duke Nukem 3D is still fun. Imagine how fun Duke Nukem Forever could have been. IMAGINE!

But I guess the good news is that I'll be home very soon and I can play other more modern games with a mouse and full keyboard and two monitors on my Mac with upgraded video card and RAM. Happy days. Does anyone want to buy a slightly used ATI x1900 video card? I will sell it to you for $1,000.

Do you often wake up in the middle of the night in a panic wondering where the coolest place to hang out at in Iraq is? Me either. But if you did, this is the place:

It may not look like a very happening club, but it is indeed "cool" if you get my meaning! (My meaning is that it is the ice house, which is cold so that the ice doesn't melt, if you didn't in fact get my meaning.)

Iraqi soda cans have heavier bottoms than American cans. I don't remember if I already talked about this, but it is a fact. They also have the more old-fashioned pull tab that actually comes off. I find this inferior to the American design because you then have to dispose of the tab in some way before you finish your beverage (which isn't that big of a problem since this is Iraq, you can just throw it on the ground), and also because of the way you open it a lot more "spray" comes out, even if the can has not been agitated. I also have seen multiple tabs come off of the can without actually opening it, which leaves you with quite a predicament. Without the proper tab a soda cannot easily be opened without exploding, so usually these cans have to be turned into soda grenades.

I'm apparently getting a roommate tomorrow, which is good because it means I leave soon, but bad because I will have a roommate. It also means I will have to clean my room sooner than I had mentally prepared myself for, which really messes up my planned activities for the day which consisted of reading the interwebs and/or magazines. I feel like I should also spend the rest of the day in my room naked, since it is the last day of privacy I will have until I leave, and I wouldn't want to waste the opportunity to fully utilize that privilege.

My backpack isn't very big, it's hard to fit 72 hours worth of clothes and supplies into it for the trip home.

Fingernails are weird. What if we had fingernail-like things on our knees and elbows? The knee and elbow pad industry would be hurting.

When I was buying supplies before I came out where I bought some new socks as the ones I had were from basic training and pretty horrible. I bought some socks that were ridiculously expensive, about $9 per pair. They are special socks for wear with combat boots and in conditions like Iraq. I have to say they were worth the money. They are very good socks. They have multiple types of elastic and fibers and thickness at all the stress-points on your foot, and they always fit perfectly without bunching up at the toes or wearing out easily on the heel. If you ever wear boot-like foot coverings, I would recommend getting some nice socks. The ones I got were from FoxRiver, and they apparently even have a program where you can buy socks for military members an they'll ship them to them for free. That's nice. By comparison the socks we are issued at basic training and even when getting our issued items to come over here are awful. They are just straight wool socks and they are hot, bunch up everywhere, stretch out, and have no support or padding.

Medals

Got my medals today. Well, two of them. Iraqi Campaign Medal and Air Force Expeditionary Service Ribbon. Iraqi Campaign Ribbon is on the right in the picture above, the other one is the one on the left with the gold border. I'll also get that Meritorious Unit Award but I guess I have to buy that one when I get home.

I guess they'll send me my purple heart and medal of honor in the mail or something.

Also I was really bored on a site so I made my name out of a piece of wire. It says "Derek". LOL it's funny that I told you what it says because it so clearly says Derek. FYI, things are funnier after being in the desert for four months.

They had a bunch of mexican food for Cinco De Mayo today. I had a turkey sandwich and soup instead. I'm a rebel like that. For breakfast every day I have two bowls of honey nut cheerios and cottage cheese and pears. I used to eat oranges every day and they were fantastic, but they they got different oranges with seeds and they make me sad so I don't eat them. :(

I'm learning to eat sunflower seeds. I still crush a lot of them into little pieces and have to spit all of it out. It takes some precision. I am not even close to being able to put in a whole handful and be able to sort them out like some people. One at a time, still using fingers is the way I do it. It keeps you awake though, trying to eat them. It's like a puzzle for your mouth.

I mailed a bunch of my stuff home, so that'll be less to carry back with me. I may have already mentioned that on this blog. But you just got a second helping for free.

I did end up partially sweeping my room after finding the broom. I know you guys were probably checking the site 10 times a day waiting to find out the answer to that cliffhanger. Well rest easy now, the dust bunnies that were easily reachable have been eliminated. There are still some hiding under beds, but they will be cleaned before I leave. Because I am required to.

I'm trying to make my bottle of body wash last until I leave so I don't have to buy another one and only use a fraction of it, so showers are having to be rationed. Don't worry though, it's Iraq. When the whole country is like a giant piece of poo, it's ok to skip a shower now and then.

I'm glad I bought a waterproof camera. Just being in my pocket it is exposed to some moisture from sweat, plus all the dust. It's holding up great so far. If there was an option here I'd take pictures of the exotic Iraqi tropical fish, but there isn't. So I can only take pictures of brown dust and rocks.

The number and sizes of the beetles I see roaming around are increasing. I've seen some about 3 inches long. Many bugs here seem abnormally fast. The camel spiders can run at 10mph, and there was an ant today that I swear could almost teleport. Way too fast considering the size of his legs.

Those little disposable alcohol wipes are handy in the desert. As is hand sanitizer. I recommend both if you ever find yourself in Iraq.

I have a straw that makes milk taste like cookie-milk, but I always forget to bring milk back to my room, or the straw to the milk. :(

It's nice not growing much facial hair when serving in the military. I don't even need to use shaving cream while other guys are in there for 15 minutes trying to shave. Ha.

Bottles of foot powder last a lot longer than you'd think they would. Also, insulated combat boots are hot.

There are self-service laundry machines here, but there is also a contractor that you can drop your stuff off with and she'll wash it for you. Her name is Lulu and she is amazing. She's probably in her 50's and has an unbelievable memory. Almost anyone that comes in there more than once, she will memorize their last name and last four of their social security number (which she writes on her forms). With hundreds of people using her services and all of those people changing out every 4 - 6 months, it's pretty amazing how much she can remember.

Ziggurat video

I found this video of the last tour to the ziggurat.

Click here to view it.

I haven't watched it as it would take hours to download on this slow internet connection. We have turned the Ziggurat back over to the Iraqis, so we can't go there anymore as it's "outside the wire" so I'm glad I got to go when I did. Probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Oh hey, a broom.

I just realized that here has been a broom leaning against the wall in the corner of my room for the last 4 months, so I think tomorrow I will think about sweeping my room out! Previously I had put it off because I didn't want to walk to the BX and buy a broom and carry it all the way back, and I also didn't want to buy a broom. But now that I have one I can sweep my room, or at least think about it. So that's good. I won't say what other items I haven't cleaned while here. But it's ok because it's Iraq and I'm at war. (I do shower, so it's not that)

On my next day off I'll probably get some boxes and pack up a bunch of my stuff to mail home. Just stuff like my winter weather gear that I obviously don't need anymore, my college books that were mailed out here, etc. That way I don't have to carry it all home on my back.

Time has slowed down dramatically as I only have a week or two left. The past week feels like four months almost. I hope it speeds up again soon.

This morning it started raining and lightning, so we called off my site working, since we were going to be working out on the flight line where there is no shelter of any kind and I would probably be the tallest thing out there for thousands of feet in either direction. So that was nice. Also this afternoon it was hailing some. Hailing. In Iraq. In 95 degree weather. Weird. Also today as it was raining, I was watching a concrete barrier and it never got fully wet. It kept raining on it, but it was never a solid amount of wetness, you could still see the individual drops. And it stayed like that for five minutes. The water was just evaporating so fast from the heat that it never got fully wet.

It is indeed getting hot here. So far it has been up to about 105 degrees, which is pretty warm when you're in a truck with no A/C or standing out on the flight line with no shade. My hands and face are tan, but that is all. I look like I have gloves on when I wear a short sleeve shirt, as normally I have to wear my long sleeve ABU top. I don't even have a farmer's tan. Well, except for the neck part.

I'm a Colonel rank in Call of Duty 4. I don't think I'm going to make 5-star General before I leave. I fixed a few of the computers on the LAN gaming network that weren't working and also fixed a mouse that someone had bent a pin on. I didn't get a medal for it though, which surprised me.

I will be getting three ribbons from my deployment here though, which is neat. I'll have the Iraqi Campaign medal, something else, and then a Meritorious Unit Award or something similar that the squadron won while I was here.

My watch stinks. It is a $10 Wal-Mart watch with a nylon canvas type band, which absorbs sweat and odors and it stinks. I think I need a new one but I don't know what kind. The plastic bands always break after a while, and the metal bands are kind of heavy. One that didn't stink would be good though.

I think I have swine-elbow. My elbows have been kind of itchy. Maybe they are just dry. Or it's Mexican Swine-Elbow. You've probably heard about it on CNN.

I haven't taken any new pictures, sorry. I tried to take a video of EOD doing a controlled-detonation, but I was too far away for it to be more than a little blip on the screen and it didn't look very impressive.

Taco Bell finally got red sauce in stock, so I've enjoyed eating there more. However they have not been as neat lately as they were a few months ago. Maybe it's a new guy working there. However he does put more cheese on it, which is a plus.

I still haven't shot anybody. Time is running out.

They opened a new dining facility on base recently and it is very nice looking inside compared to the others. The Indian/Pakistani workers all wear little tuxedo outfits and there is a lot of good bright lighting, etc. The workers are pretty bored, as not many people go to the new one yet, so they keep it extraordinarily clean. If you spill some tomatoes on the counter at the salad bar as an example, they will rush over as soon as you leave and clean it up. They are also extremely precise when putting together a sandwich or putting food on your plate. They take individual pickles and place them on the bread, making sure that they don't overlap and cover as much of the bread as possible. They put on the mayonnaise with individual droplets so that it is evenly distributed throughout the sandwich, etc. It makes me laugh to myself every time. They try really hard. Give them a couple months on the job though and I'm sure they'll loosen up. They also have Baskin Robbins Ice Cream available, which is pretty awesome. I still haven't had any.

The Iraqi's rags that they wear on their heads remind me of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. In the books the characters always have a towel with them as their most essential travel companion. Ridiculous situations arise throughout the books and a towel ends up miraculously getting them out of the bind that they are in and is used for many different tasks. The rag is kind of similar. I've seen people wear it as the traditional hat, I've seen people wear it around their waste, one guy even wraps it up around his shoulder and around his waist into some kind of backpack/bra type thing. They also use them as handkerchiefs, picking or blowing their nose on them. Then of course you have the standard terrorist look of them wrapping them around their entire face to filter the dust out. When they add mirrored aviator sunglasses it really completes the ensemble.

I found out what the Iraqi's do with the bottles of water in the port-a-johns. Apparently they cup their left hand and pour some water in there and then splash it up "in the area" to clean it. They don't use toilet paper, just water and their hand. That's why it's an insult to do anything with your left hand here. You're not supposed to wave at them with your left hand or offer your left hand to shake, etc. Of course as soon as they get out of the bathroom they get some more water and then rub their hands together, so it really doesn't make a difference as far as germs go.

I don't think they really have an understanding of germs in general. For instance if one guy takes a drink of a water bottle after another guy, they'll first pour a small amount of the water out on the ground, I assume thinking that all of the germs are on the top of the water, so if they dump it out then there won't be any germs in or on the bottle. Either that or they really like the Dr. Evil character in Austin Powers and are repeating the part where he pours out a little alcohol for "his homies". It's probably the first one.

I try not to think about these things when I accept their "Samoon" (that weird bread that I posted a picture of before) because it's really good and I don't want to be rude by not taking it. It's like exercise for my immune system though. I wish I could get the recipe for the bread. It's really good. And even better with these little cream cheese packets they have. They come individually wrapped in either a square or in little pie shapes that look like the pieces from Trivial Pursuit.

I bought some toothpaste today and just realized I had two tubes of it in my drawer from a care package. Woops.

I still haven't seen a camel spider. I wanted to at least see one while I was here. Not anywhere near my room of course, like maybe out by the flight line or some other project far away from where I sleep and eat. If you don't know what a camel spider is, it's this horrible bug over here that is the most evil looking thing you've ever seen. They have their own web site at CamelSpiders.net. There are a lot of myths about them which are debunked on that web site, but still they are big and awful. They can run 10 miles an hour (!) and a lot of people think they are chasing them because they are trying to get in people's shadows so that they can stay cool. They became famous on the internet from that picture of the guys holding them up in the air because it looks like they are gigantic, but that's just an illusion of the camera angle. Still they are big and fast and have way too many legs.

I have seen some lizards here as well as birds, flies and some sort of dead gigantic beetle bug thing in the parking lot. I didn't take a picture of it though. I didn't want the flash to piss it off and it come back to life with a posse of camel spiders to terrorize me in my room. Also camels and dogs and coyote/fox/jackal/man/bear/pigs (Manbearpig is another South Park reference of Al Gore hunting a beast that is half man, half bear and half pig. You guys should really watch South Park) of some kind that run around. Oh, and a jack rabbit. When we saw the jack rabbit the Iraqis said "good food".

I guess that's it for now. I'm going to bed.

Detail

Just wanted to share a couple of articles on the attention to detail and respect put into handling returning fallen troops to their families. Not sure how much media coverage this received back home, but it's the first time a picture of a military casket has been shown returning from abroad in 18 years.

Link to the Article with pictures.

And here's a behind-the-scenes look at the detail that goes into preparing their final uniform, even if it will never be seen.

Link to article.

Random thoughts.

These are just random thoughts so they'll probably jump around a lot, sorry.

A lot of the people in the Army are old. Really old (for the military). And low ranking for their age. I regularly notice Specialists and Privates (basically the same rank as me or lower) but they look like they are in their 40's easy. I think you can enlist in the Army up until 45 or so. Seems they are taking just about anyone they can right now including convicted felons. Some of the sergeants look like they are in their late 50's / early 60's at least.

I can see why no one wants to join the Army though. They are here for a year at a time and I'm already itching to leave after 3 months. Actually I was itching to leave after about a week of being here but I'm definitely ready to go now. Suicides are higher now than they have ever been in the Army. That's probably also because they have lowered their standards a lot because they need people. Some people that shouldn't have made it through boot camp are here now and can't handle it.

AFN (Armed Forces Network) is our TV and radio station. They port in all the US channels via satellite like CNN and MSNBC and some sitcoms from the networks, but they don't air any commercials from back home. Instead they create their own. They are mostly cheesy and ridiculous. Most are just reminders for us for things about OPSEC (Operations Security), drink lots of water, don't use hot plates in your room, etc. A surprising amount is basically propaganda trying to entice the Army members into re-enlisting and staying in the Army.

I really really miss fast Internet. I probably miss that more than anything other than my wife. It is extremely unreliable here as well. It is currently down in my room so I am typing this from the Hot Spot, our recreation area. The WiFi here is even slower than in my room. I spend basically all my free time on the Internet both here and at home so not having a fast connection is really frustrating to me.

There are some silly rules in deployed locations and some things that don't make sense. For instance we are told we can only take 3 - 5 minute showers and are supposed to turn the water off between lathering and rinsing, etc to conserve water, as it all has to be hauled in by truck. However, we waste hundreds of gallons a day making sure all of our vehicles are nice and washed and clean. We are in Iraq. It is a desert. Before you even get the truck back to the parking lot it has a layer of dust on it. Also we had a Combat Dining-in the other day which is a big event with food and games and things, basically a morale booster. But the main theme of the event was a giant water fight with water guns, water balloons, fire extinguishers, etc. If we can wash vehicles and have water fights why can't I take a longer shower or leave the water on while I brush my teeth? Silly.

Any of you that know me, know that I am generally very quiet and introverted. This almost always results in people thinking something is wrong with me or that I am angry or grumpy. It's a good sign that I am really quiet when even a young Iraqi who speaks maybe 10 words of English comes up and asks me what's wrong or why I don't talk. Iraqis seem to be very social, especially around meals, so maybe it stands out even more in their culture. I just thought it was interesting that even the Iraqis notice that I don't talk much.

Also being quiet has been a big challenge here, as I am regularly paired up with a new person every few days, usually sitting in a truck or standing in a building together for hours and hours at a time. I don't even know how many times I've heard "You don't say much, do ya'?" over the past three months. I have yet to come up with a good response to this that isn't insulting to the other person, so usually I just smile and nod.

Relatedly, anyone reading this should probably read this article, which does a great job of explaining how I work and why I'm sure some of you have thought I was angry or grumpy or rude at some point. Sure, I could have actually been angry or grumpy or rude I suppose, but normally it is due to the above. I am generally an extraordinarily laid-back person and don't get angry easily. One of the guys I hang out with here even jokingly blamed me for him almost getting in a fight with someone because I wasn't around, and my presence has a calming effect on him he says, as I don't react to anything. I couldn't even get into a fight with the trainer during my ASP baton training, as I kept talking him out of the fight instead.

The most combat I have seen in Iraq (other than the flies) has been playing Call of Duty 4 every day in the Hot Spot. We have a network of a dozen computers where we can all sit down on a network and shoot each other. It's great fun. Also it's funny to see a room in Iraq full of people wearing military fatigues armed with M16s and M9 handguns sitting at computers pretending to be at war in a computer game. There is probably a joke there about the Air Force being the "Chairforce" but I will not make it.

Easter

It is Easter, even in Iraq.

I went to the dining facility for lunch today and they had easter decorations hanging all over the place, from the ceilings, on the tables, the tablecloths, etc. There was candy on the tables and spread all over the building. At each little food station there was candy scattered around that you could take with you. By the soup there was a giant pile of it, enough to fill an entire folding table. They also had sparkling grape juice on the tables since we can't have alcohol.

Pretty cool that they make an effort to celebrate all of the holidays for us even over here.

Sorry I couldn't take any pictures, they don't allow photography in the dining facilities.

Flies and safety

The war with the flies continues. Today I was swatting some flies when one of the Iraqis came over and handed me a fly swatter. It was a nice gesture. Fly swatters are considerably better at killing flys than boonie hats. The picture above is a very very small sampling of the flies I killed today. I got two-in-one four times, and killed three with one shot once. Apparently the flys are mating or whatever flies do to reproduce, as I frequently see them on top of each other or flying around looking like they are fighting. This makes it easy to get the multiple kills with one shot. And if you think about it I'm really wiping out an entire family lineage of them, so my kill count should really be quite a bit higher.

Next we have some funny safety problems on the job site, like this cord laying on the ground which leads to...

This welding machine which apparently has lost its outer casing and is just laying on a piece of cardboard. I'm not an electrician or a welder, but I am pretty certain that these things generally come in a protective case for a reason and really aren't designed to have the scary looking coils and wires exposed laying on the ground. This is probably the same welder from an earlier post where one of the guys was holding the ground to a metal pole.

The Iraqis seem very generous. They share their "samoon" (not sure how to spell it) with us which is the bread I took a picture of earlier. Once they even gave me the last piece when they didn't have any left. I didn't know it was the last piece or I wouldn't have taken it, but they were nice about it. And on several occasions when an Air Force member has complimented an Iraqi on their watch or ring or hat or something, just trying to be nice, the Iraqi immediately takes it off and hands it to them. One guy I worked with was joking with one of the Iraqis and told him to give him his watch and ring and even wedding ring, which the Iraqi handed over almost immediately. My co-worker of course gave it all back, but it was interesting that they'd give up anything so freely.

On the other hand you have to watch them though, as I've seen them trying to trade people watches, where the Iraqi gives a $10 watch in exchange for a $60 watch. The Iraqi that gave me the fly swatter to use also came back later and jokingly said "I... two dollars" meaning he wanted me to pay him $2 for the use of his fly swatter.

Mud

We got a big rain storm a few days ago and it is just now drying out. When it rains here even a little bit it turns into a mud pit, and when it rains most of the night and next day, it's just an unbelievable mess. As I've said before, the mud is more like glue than traditional mud. Actually there are several types, the glue mud, and then the melted chocolate milk shake mud, which is mostly what covers the roads.

While working at one of the sites one of the bosses came to get us to help get a truck unstuck, so we went out thinking we'd just need to push/pull a little Nissan truck or something, but this 18-wheeler is what had gotten stuck. He tried to do a U-turn on a tiny road and went through the mud but didn't come out. So we found some folks with a huge front-end loader and got them to pull it out.

It's not that exciting, sorry. I was hoping the chain would break or the truck would somehow catch on fire inexplicably or the front axle would just fall off, but none of that happened. If it had though, I would have video taped it and you would be watching it now. So just imagine that happened.